Recently featured on “The Shelly Wilson Show” we had a wonderful conversation on drawing upon dreams, ancient numerology, powerful intuition, and conversations with spirits to help fulfill your soul’s mission and use pain as inspiration for a meaningful life.
When we define ourselves as different from our partners, we put them in a box. This blocks the intuitive connection that naturally flows between two people in a loving relationship. It prevents deep understanding.
The truth is our differences are purely superficial. We may be wearing different costumes for this lifetime and playing completely different roles. But we’re all made from the same– divine energy. And we’re all on the same journey–evolving to our highest potential as we try to raise consciousness on Planet Earth.
We’ve all been here many times before as men, women, heroes, villains, soldiers, and saints. We each experience every path before our soul’s evolution is complete. This lifetime, like all the others, is a limited-run engagement.
When we open our hearts and embrace this shared journey, intuition flows freely between us. When we close our hearts in fear and separation–our intuition shuts down–especially in intimate relationships.
When we fall in love, our hearts are wide open. We’re in the flow of divine intuition. Intuition comes from the heart and love opens this portal to allow deep connection between two people.
It’s nearly impossible to maintain this blissful, openhearted state 365 days a year. However, in our daily meditations we can open the heart and feel our partner’s pain, challenges, and gifts. This practice builds deep connection and compassion in our relationships.
If you want awesome love, stop seeing the other person as different or separate from you. Stop putting him in a box. Instead, start FEELING your deep connection to him as an old friend on a shared journey of evolution.
Ask yourself if you have been categorizing your partner in any of these ways:
• You’re a man (simple & unemotional), and I’m a woman (complicated and emotional).
• You’re introverted and I’m extroverted.
• You’re rigid and I’m flexible.
• You’re emotional and I’m logical.
Try saying these words instead and discuss how it feels:
“We’re divine beings on a shared journey –each with gifts and talents we’ve brought to accomplish our great work. I’m here to help you live up to your greatest potential, as you do the same for me. This is our sacred agreement.”
Remember that we’re all made of energy–pulsing waves of light. The goal is to raise our frequencies together and get on the same wavelength where love and intuition flow freely.
Practice Daily Intuition
1. Write your thoughts on what it would be like to trade lifetimes with your partner. Say to your partner: “I see your journey of pain and I see your great gifts. I understand you more than you know. I will not separate myself from you, but rather take your hand and help you live up to your unrealized potential.”
2. List the qualities that you and your partner share (such as a sense of humor, intelligence, compassion, love of nature, etc.).
3. Imagine you’re connected to your partner through waves of pulsing light binding you together through numerous lifetimes in different roles. Draw a picture or write a paragraph describing this connection and discuss it with your partner.
4. Meditate to Enhance the Intuitive Connection with Your Partner. Write your partner’s name and birth date on a sheet of paper. Put your hand on the information, close your eyes, and meditate. Quiet your mind with mantra or prayer. After a few minutes, when your mind settles down, ask to see the mission your loved one came to experience. Ask to understand his pain and clearly see his gifts and talents. Ask what he came to accomplish. Ask for divine guidance to help your partner move forward to his highest potential. Write down any guidance or images you receive–as long as it’s wise, loving guidance from the highest source. (If anything ever feels frightening or negative, dismiss it immediately and repeat Om Namah Shivaya or The Lord’s Prayer to protect yourself.). Later, at a quiet time, share what you’ve written. Or use the information to help you understand and support your partner’s journey.
5. Practice Intuitive Decision Making. To build your intuitive connection to each other, practice this exercise daily: When you need to make a decision together–whether it’s choosing a place to have dinner or deciding on job offer–close your eyes and quiet your mind with mantra meditation. Picture yourselves at the restaurant you’re considering. Look at your surroundings. See and smell the food on your plates. Listen to the sounds. Now notice how your body feels. Does it feel good? Do you feel happy and excited? Are you smiling? If so, your intuition is saying yes to that choice. Share your impressions with your partner. Are they the same as his? When your intuitive connection is strong, you’ll arrive at the same conclusions time and time again. And when you follow through and make choices based on that gut feeling, your experience will be positive. If your intuitive connection is not strong, it’s time to meditate together daily. This is the greatest way to open your hearts and allow intuition to flow to one other.
Ask Yourself These Questions:
1. Do I remember times from our past when we felt intuitively connected? Describe them and how they felt.
2. How can I better open our intuitive connection now? What steps am I willing to take to make that happen?
3. What steps am I willing to take to change the negative energy patterns we’ve created in the past?
Practice these steps daily for two weeks and you’ll see a huge positive shift in your relationship. You’ve renewed your original intuitive open-hearted connection!
Her face was paper thin and stretched into deep lines of grief that widened as she spoke – telling her story of a son, an avid hiker, a lover of mountains, coming home one day with an unusual bruise and dying in her arms one year later from Leukemia.
She was strong – a nurse who worked all day in a hospital and cared for her son at home. I’ll find the best doctor, the best treatment, she would say – escorting him on rounds to places where physicians pondered the next great idea and nurses held her and cried.
In a room filled with grieving others, she says through choking tears: “I don’t want to benefit in any way from his death. I don’t want to be happy…”
Beside her rises a light beam – a joyful son shaking his head at her pain, wrapping his arms around her. No, he whispers. That’s not it. Not the lesson…
I feel his fearless soul, unconventional, never wanting to live within the rules, not meant for a long stay, only a brief visit to tie up loose ends and help his loved ones wake to a deeper meaning, a bigger picture than survival.
He hiked when he should have been studying. He skied when he should have worked. He knew what was essential. He broke all the rules.
“Don’t become a hungry ghost,” he wrote to her on his last day.
“I don’t know what that means,” his mother cries. Her heart is fierce and her love for her son is a wave of pain that crashes across the room – knocking the others over into pools of grief.
When she’s told and re-told her story and is ready to sit in silent meditation, to receive messages from beyond, she begins writing. And finally, writing furiously.
Later, when the group shares their writings, they read the simple words of their departed – urging the ones left behind to live with love and to embrace a deeper understanding of our complex soul agreements and necessary lessons here. None of the messages from beyond tell them to be sad, to give up, or to be angry and blameful. Although they have been…
I did hear from him, the grieving mom says softly, skimming through her notebook. The hungry ghost is the lost soul, forgetting that we’re divine and here on purpose to grow, she says reading what she wrote during meditation.
They pass their writings around and marvel at how the words from beyond are healing and empowering. No matter the mess of death. No matter the suffering endured. The energy is playful and joyous in these writings passed from griever to griever.
On our final afternoon together, their faces are plump and radiant, clear of lines. They’re laughing at things they’ve heard from their departed. Heavy sadness has left the room – flying out the door like a wind swept fog.
I know he’s with me and he’s watching me and I’ve got to get my life in gear, says the mom. I’m going to quit my hospital job, become a nursing consultant and work part time at hospice, she says. This way I can help people from what I’ve learned. It would make me happy to do that work. She smiles at the group.
Her face is shiny and young like a child holding a birthday gift, excited to open it and happy to be alive.
It’s her beginning: Her rebirth born from a heart broken wide open..
If you have a friend or loved one who has lost someone they love, you’re being called into action to help. Both of you will benefit profoundly from the deep sharing, exploration and communication that can occur when someone is grieving. This is especially true if you’re willing to think outside of the box and go beyond the conventional boundaries of grief discussions.
Your task, if you really want to help your friend, is to take them gently through these three conversations outlined in the next few pages. This process will help your friend experience a powerful healing shift in perspective.
Conversation One: Tell Me Your Story—How Did Your Loved One Die?
Open your heart and listen. Grieving people need to share their experience and tell their story. In our culture, we’re uncomfortable with death. We feel it’s impolite to ask someone the details of how their loved one died or how they feel now.
Yet when you connect your open-heart energy with their loss and listen deeply to their story, you become a healer. A story of painful loss can’t be fully released until it has been fully told. Become the sounding board and listen to it all detail by detail. Eventually, the grieving person needs to surrender this story and change their perspective from “here’s my tragic tale” to “here’s my life-changing experience.” Guiding your friend through the conversations outlined here helps them make that life-changing shift.
To initiate your first healing conversation, call or visit your friend and, with an open heart, ask how it happened. Ask, “What were the final days like? Were you with her when she took her last breath? What did you experience? Have you felt her presence since she crossed over?”
Once you’re able to help them start talking, they’ll pour their heart out to you; it’s a story longing to be shared in all of its painful details.
Every therapist, coach, or healer starts with compassionate questions. People who are grieving need to talk and share their pain. It’s essential to healing. You can become the healing catalyst for this exchange.
Here are some examples of questions to get you started:
- Tell me the story of his death. Was it sudden? How long was he sick?
- Were you with her at the moment of crossing over?
- What was that experience like for you?
- Did you have any premonitions or dreams about this death before it happened?
- Have you had any visits from him or dreams that he was in since his death?
- Tell me about her life. What did you love the most about her? What do you miss the most? Ask your friend to share their best memories.
- What would your departed loved one want you to do now to fulfill your life’s mission here?
- If he were standing here now what would he say to you?
- What would he want you to do with your life and career to move forward?
- What would you say to him?
Conversation Two: Asking the Spirituality Question
“Tell me what you believe in…“
This second healing conversation should happen after your grieving friend has had some time to get her life back to a routine; after the funeral and after the relatives have gone home. Use your intuition to know when it’s time.
When you’re ready to begin, say, “Please tell me what you believe in spiritually. Do you follow a religion or do you have a daily spiritual practice of some kind – and how’s it working for you?”
Ask the grieving person to share the details of their spiritual journey; how they were raised, what they believe in or don’t believe in now, and whether spirituality is a focus of their daily life or not. Ask if they pray or meditate every day and ask them to describe how they do it and what their experience has been with the process. Ask if they feel satisfied with the answers that their current spiritual belief system is providing.
The purpose of this conversation is to unfold the many complex beliefs a person might have to get to the core of their spiritual beliefs—which may be different from the irreligion. There’s a difference between spirituality and religion. Religion is a set of beliefs and rules governed by a church. If the grieving person is already deeply comforted by her church and does not question its beliefs, that’s terrific. Just ask her to explain fully what she believes about where her departed is now. You might be surprised at the answers. If the person cites answers that come from his church but the answers don’t seem fully fleshed out, keep asking questions. Ask lovingly if those religious beliefs resonate as true for him or if he wants to explore other ideas with you.
If they’re not fully satisfied with their church’s answers, it’s time to have an open discussion of the bigger picture of spirituality. When they’re in pain, their most pressing questions are, “Why did this loss happen?” and, “Where is my loved one now?” By helping them explore a broader spiritual (not religious) perspective you can help them find answers that are truly healing.
You’ll probably find that those who don’t believe in any form of spirituality, or anything beyond what they can see and touch, will be in the most pain. They’ll feel that their loved one has simply vanished and that life is meaningless and tragic. Yet this loss is their moment of true spiritual (not religious) awakening. It’s calling them to experience first-hand their own divine nature.
Offer to become your friend’s spiritual exploration companion. Offer to read and discuss books such as Proof of Heaven by Dr. Eben Alexander; Bridges to Heaven by Sue Frederick; The Conscious Universe by Dean Radin; and My Stroke of Insight by Jill Bolte Taylor.
Having this spiritual conversation with a grieving person will require that you’ve already taken your own personal spiritual journey to look beyond the limits of religion and find your spiritual truth. If not, this is a great opportunity for you to do so.
To help your friend explore this bigger view of spirituality, offer to visit a monastery, ashram, or spiritual center with them. Invite your friend to step beyond their comfort zone and visit Hindu and Buddhist Ashrams, Unity Churches, Science of the Mind Churches, Kabala centers and whatever else they’re willing to try.
The most essential healing piece that you can provide is to teach them to meditate. By quieting their monkey mind, they’ll begin to have a personal daily experience of something greater than the physical world. You can offer to take a meditation class with them to get them started on this path.
Conversation Three: The Reconnection Ritual—Reconnect Them to Their Departed
Invite your friend to do this meditation with you when she’s ready. Explain that it’s most helpful when she’s feeling incomplete about her loved one’s departure and needs answers. It can be done by phone or in person.
We can all learn to access our connection to the higher realms and to our departed loved ones. But it does require the discipline of daily mediation to quiet the monkey mind and tap into our higher consciousness.
Offer to sit with your friend and guide her through a simple ten-minute meditation using mantra (sacred sound) or repetition of the Lord’s Prayer. Tell her to close her eyes and sit comfortably without leaning her head back on anything. Repeat the mantra or prayer out loud. The mantra Om Namah Shivaya is a powerful mantra to use. It means “I bow to divinity.”
After the rhythm of the mantra is established, sit together silently repeating the mantra for ten minutes. Tell her that when she notices her thoughts getting in the way, she should gently bring her focus back to the sacred words.
At the end of ten minutes, tell her to stop repeating the mantra and open her eyes. In this quiet space, ask her to speak directly to her departed – out loud. She can share a happy memory of her departed loved one to call his spirit into the room.
Have her write down any images, ideas, or whispers that come to her during this process – especially when she asks her departed loved one specific questions. Remind her how essential it is that she learn to quiet her thoughts through meditation to receive messages from beyond.
As you both explore your connection to another realm, she will begin to sense her departed loved one trying to comfort and love her from beyond. The more you practice this meditation process, the stronger your connection to the other side will be. And the more powerfully healing this process will become.
But it’s more like water. Waves upon waves of change and uncertainty shifting around us causing us to lose our footing – to go under and drink the salty brine and come up gasping for air – unsure of who we are. Where we are. Or if we’re alone.
We instinctively search for a horizon. A landing place. Safety. Anywhere. Until we find something solid to gaze upon and we feel secure again. Certain nothing will change.
But we’re still standing in the ocean…
The next wave is always bigger and knocks us over because we had our back to it.
We learn. We open our arms wide and embrace the waves. Laugh as they lift us higher in the air to reveal the greater view – the bigger picture. Hungrily we drink in that vast landscape noting the lighthouse we never saw before, the gull resting calmly on nothing halfway out to nowhere, and the long glistening white fish jumping high above the wave teasing us with its mystery.
We marvel at beauty. Knowing that something creates this – if not the gull itself. If not the water itself. A divine poet arranges the details. But who and how? We write books about this unknowingness, create careers analyzing it, build damns and concrete roads and bridges and still the water swirls around us mysteriously because we are amidst the living sea.
We are the living sea. That sea is in us; it courses through our veins; beats in our hearts. Just when we think we’ve discovered everything, that no one has ever known as much…
A wave rolls towards us from nowhere and we are teetering terrified above everything in the rush of changing water. We surrender once again to the power of the grand poet – as we’re pushed back to the ground by the force of the wave – our limbs dancing madly out of control, our heads brushing painfully against the sand, twisting and turning with abandon – until the wave releases us again. We struggle to our feet gasping – taking in raw sobbing breaths. Calling out to our friends whom we may have lost in the crushing waves.
Someday we do arrive on the beach through no efforts of our own. Then we realize we had choices in how we rode those waves. There are others who floated above them and some who fought and loss and drowned beneath them, and many who struggled endlessly when they only needed to surrender to the ride, rest their heads upon the salty brine – not trying to stand where it was impossible to stand.
And we see that we exhausted ourselves when we fought it, and that it would have been wiser to relax, surrender, laugh and even reach towards someone else who was going under.
We see then that all bodies make it to shore one day or another – one way or another. And that all that ever mattered was how we rode the lovely waves. And if we brought someone along with us to the vast white shore.